The other night I was watching Castle with the couple I’m staying with, and an ongoing conversation between the main characters was the invite list for their wedding. At the end of the show, I jokingly said that my plan is to meet someone here in Ireland and get married here. Then I can invite lots of people, but likely have very few come.
My brain working the way it does, that simple comment started a chain-reaction of thoughts that ended up somewhere much different than where it began. Along the way, I began thinking about the fact that God has been speaking to me lately of His promises to bring someone along for me to do life with. (Obviously, I do life with or alongside a lot of people, but you know what I mean.)
I haven’t really talked about it much with too many people, but I have a feeling of anticipation for his arrival that I’ve not felt in a long time. That doesn’t mean that will happen during my time here, but it doesn’t mean it won’t either.
One reason I haven’t mentioned it much is that I don’t want people to get the idea that I am here looking for romance. For one thing, I wouldn’t be very smart if that’s the reason I flew over here on a one-way ticket. It wouldn’t make sense to move from a large country with perhaps tens of millions of men to choose from to an island where the total population is less than five million if a man is what I’m looking for. 🙂
So, as my train of thought continued, it was derailed – or at least held up – by a question; no, by THE question.
Why am I here?
Those words make up a question that most, if not all, people on earth have asked at one time or another. I have personally asked it many times, and part of my passion in life is to help others answer it for themselves. However, this time I’m not asking the big question of why I’m on the planet. This time, it’s the simple question of: why am I, right now, sitting in a house in Sligo, Ireland?
A man? No. I’m smarter than that.
Ministry? I don’t know. It’s easy to point at the “official” reason for my move, which is to help establish a missions training program. Honestly, though, that’s not why I’m here either. God told me to come here before that program was even scheduled, and my reason for being here won’t cease to exist if that falls through for some reason.
God said? Yes. This is a great Sunday school answer for life, the universe and everything. Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy says that answer is “42”, Sunday school says it’s Jesus. When in doubt, saying that God/Jesus asked you to do something is a great answer as to why you’re doing it. – There is, of course, the issue of those times when we’re blaming something on Him that was not His idea after all, but that’s a topic for another post, another day.
Despite the validity of the Sunday school answer, I have an issue with being here just because God said to come and He opened the door. Don’t get me wrong, I have no doubt that this is the truth, and I’m beyond delighted that I’m here! The problem is I don’t know what to do. Granted I’ve only been here two weeks, but I’m beginning to feel restless.
I’ve accepted a couple of ministry opportunities. I’m working toward the establishment of the training program. I’m contacting people about housing options. But I know there is more… I feel like I’m on the edge of something huge, and I’ve had only glimpses so far. I’m impatient to see the whole picture and where I fit into it.
For now, though, I’ll have to just keep doing what I know to do, and trust that God will make things clear as I take each step with Him… Yay for another chance to trust Him in the midst of uncertainty and anticipation for the big things I can’t see yet! 🙂 I look forward to knowing the answer to the question that I know will be clearer in the days, weeks and months to come!